Trying to get someone to change their behavior may seem very difficult, especially when it comes to those big issues in life. If you push somebody to help themselves the problem can backfire. They will end up retreating into their behavior. So what can we do if we are trying to help someone when they don't want to be helped?
Look at it from Their Perspective
Getting a better idea of their perspective can improve your ability to tune into what may help them to change. This means asking, listening, and not being judgemental. When it's something like an addiction it's important to remember there's a variety of treatments available. There is a guide to treatments for addictions on https://www.sunshinebehavioralhealth.com/texas/longview/, but you have to remember that if someone is not willing to change something, are you actually looking at it from their point of view? There could be a very good reason why they don't want to change a certain behavior or had it. Because it may be the one thing in their life that they feel is theirs, or it could help them with pain. It may even provide them with a sense of purpose. When you start to look at it from their perspective, you may be surprised what you will find.
Reassure Them
If they are engaging in behaviors where they may feel ashamed, you will need to communicate and reassure them that you are not there to judge but are there to understand and to support them. This will give them that little bit of reassurance that you are on their side. Sometimes when we ask people to try and change their behavior the person being asked can take it as a slight on who they are. So if you ever want to help someone through a difficult time or they are indulging in behaviors that will be detrimental, you've got to make sure they don't feel ostracized. Additionally, you have to remember that forcing someone to change is not going to get the result that you want. The article on https://medium.com/illumination/stop-forcing-those-you-love-to-change/ provides some useful insights into this. Rather than providing any form of criticism or forcing them to change, you've got to remember that they should change in their own time. In the meantime what you need to do is to show you are with them and will not shame them any further for actually needing help. Because we have to remember that many people still don't like the idea of asking for help because they think it's a weakness.
How Likely Are They Going to Change?
People who do not look for help are not always against the idea of change, but you will have to realize that they may not be ready for it just yet. And this is where we have to assess their motivations to change. Taking the opportunities to explore with them what they need to give them the starting blocks to change can you understand what needs to be done. For example, many people have to be at their lowest ebb in order to realize that it's time to ask for help. And this is not an easy thing to witness; when someone doesn't want to be helped it's not necessarily that they don't want you to help them but they would rather help themselves, but in order for this to occur they have to hit a certain threshold. But they also may feel that admitting there is a problem could bring more shame. But this is where additional coping skills or outlets can be helpful.
Show Them the Other Side of the Coin
When trying to help people to change you've got to encourage them to see what it would be like if they made alterations to a certain behavior or habit. Asking them to picture a life that is not necessarily better, but different, may help them to understand if they have a higher purpose or make them realize that there are people in their lives that truly care. When we are trying to help someone this is the very essence of telling them that we care. But when people are undergoing problems in life, they will feel they are on their own. As a result, it's very likely they don't feel loved, and sometimes it can be frustrating, but you have to remember you cannot for somebody to change their behavior. What you can do is stay away from moralizing or blaming. Focus on listening and being there for them in other ways that you can be there to support them to change for themselves.
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